I've experienced my share of heartache and loss. But none of that quite compares to seeing a friend hurting and broken. That's what I've experienced this week.
A few years ago, I reconnected with a girl I used to know. She's really developed into the kind of girl everyone would want as a friend. She's wise, encouraging and faithful. I was so grateful to have her in my life.
She was starting a new "girlfriend group" to support those of us who have experienced issues with infertility. At the time, I was really struggling with my secondary infertility... with suddenly being barren. My heart was torn apart and this amazing group of women helped me to slowly put the pieces back together. My wonderful husband and I had been discussing the possibility of surrogacy and this broken bundle of hopeful moms were able to understand my pain unlike anyone else I knew. They understood it because they were there too.
We would meet at Panera and discuss all sorts of things related to our infertility. We could share things openly and honestly, without fear of looking bad. We could talk about how bitter we were when other people we knew were having babies so easily. We could open up about the well-meaning but rude comments we'd heard from others and weep without fear of anyone telling us we were overreacting. These women understood each other.
My friend had such a heart for women struggling with infertility. Although she was pushing through a barren life herself, she was always a strong shoulder to cry on and a stable source of uplifting and encouraging words. As many months went by, our group tried a variety of medical interventions. Eventually, there were announcements of babies expected. There was a true sense of celebration, though there was also an internal sense of sorrow.
My friend continued to be supportive and joyful as, one by one, people in the group announced their pregnancies.
It's such an exciting thing to see someone's sorrow lifted and replaced with joy. My friend earnestly celebrated with everyone on their good news, but I know it had to be tearing her up inside. Why were these women getting pregnant and not her?
But it's bigger than that. Harder, even.
This week, a man in Washington was arraigned for putting his six week old daughter in a freezer for an hour because she was crying. He put his DAUGHTER in a FREEZER.
A pastor in South Korea created a drop box for unwanted babies because hundreds of babies are abandoned on the side of the road in South Korea each year.
The abortion rate in the US dwarfs the adoption rate and there are many adoptive parents wanting each baby available. One website said there are 36 adoptive parents for every one baby available.
My friend has found herself on the seemingly impossible side of this statistic. Earlier this week, the baby she'd fallen in love with was placed elsewhere. She and her husband are broken and discouraged.
How do you help a friend get through such a helpless time? How do you explain why God allows such heartless and uncaring people to be parents when there are so many amazing and wonderful "parents" without children? Why does this happen?
The truth of the matter is that we can't explain that.
And we aren't required to.
Not everything that happens in life is part of God's perfect plan. But God is faithful, even in the imperfections. It's not for us to know WHY things happen. We just need to trust in WHO He is. He takes situations in our lives that are impossibly wrong and brings good out of them.
He continues to be faithful to my friend. He is working behind the scenes in ways that we simply cannot understand. He is "able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think" (Eph 3:20) and I know He will show Himself faithful to my friend.
So I do what I can. I pray.
Each night, my children and I pray that God will make her a mother and will encourage her daily.
I know that one day, God will fill that void in her life. Because He is loving. He is faithful. He is wise. And I trust in that, because that's WHO He is.
